The Highly Sensitive Person

副标题：How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

关于尝试新事物

2. Digging Deeper

P66

The best way to avoid bad things would seem to be avoiding everything. And, of course, the more the world is avoided, the newer everything will seem. Imagine how frightening the world could have seemed to you.

我对很多事情的处理方法都是这样。为了避免一些只是可能出现的坏结果，我可能直接放弃去做某件事情。如果说这件事情本身并没什么价值，那可能无所谓。但是这只是少数情况。

P81 The Problem of Being In Too Much

If it (your body) wants to try new things but is afraid, you need to help it, not reinforce the fear. Otherwise, you are telling it that it really is all wrong about its desires, that it is not fit to survive out there.

As you reparent your body, the first thing to realize is that the more it avoids stimulation, the more arousing the remaining stimulation becomes. ... The moral is that, at least to some extent, the stresses will always be there, for we bring our sensitivity with us. What we need is a new way of living with the stressors.

逃避并不会减少 stress，而去做一件新事物也不会有更多的 stress，只是这种 stress 换了一种形式。可能因为这种 stress 是未知的，所以比较可怕。

Second, it is often the case that the more your body acts, the less difficult and arousing it becomes. This is called habituation. If it is a skill, you also become better at it.

The way to come to tolerate and then enjoy being involved in the world is by being in the world.

一件事只要多做，就能让身体适应这件事会产生的 stress，从而每次能做得更加得心应手。

Handle Overarousal in Social Situations

5. Social Relationships

P116 Five Ways to Handle Overarousal in Social Situations

其它摘抄

Preface

P39 Instructions to the reader

2. This book involves seeing yourself as having a trait common to many. That is, it labels you. The advantages are that you can feel normal and benefit from the experience and research of others. But any label misses your uniqueness. HSPs are each utterly different, even with their common trait.

标签能简化复杂的世界，但也是有好有坏的。好处是我们能有一些共同话题，能够感受到「同类」的存在。但是它有时会掩盖事物本身的复杂性，让我们忽略了每一个个体的特点。语言本身只能作为现实世界的一种近似，我们只能让余项越来越小，但是永远不能消除余项。

1. The Facts About Being Highly Sensitive

P52 Learning About Our Culture -- What You Don't Realize WILL Hurt You

You and I are learning to see our trait as a neutral thing -- useful in some situations, not in others -- but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral. ... Although a culture's newborns will show a broad range of inherited temperaments, only a narrow band of these, a certain type, will be the ideal.

虽然在每个文明中的新生儿会呈现出不同的特质（可能比例也是差不多的），但每个文明都会偏爱某一些特质。在人的成长过程中，文明内部的各种机制能够使人的性格朝着某些特定的方向发生改变，从而形成一个「文明」的性格。这也很好地说明了环境会对人的性格产生影响。

P54 Psychology's Bias

But psychology is not perfect. It can only reflect the biases of the culture from which it comes. ... Just be careful about accepting labels for yourself. As we move on, you'll understand why each of these mislabels you. In general, they miss the essence of the trait and give it a negative tone. For example, research has found that most people, quite wrongly, associate introversion with poor mental health.

It helps to know that in cultures in which the trait is more valued, the research takes on a different tone. For example, Japanese psychologists seem to expect their sensitive subjects to perform better, and they do.

人们发明「高敏感」等等标签可能就是因为拥有标签的这些人是「不同」的，是「另类」的，从而是不好的。如果这个标签不是一个文明的主流价值，心理学在研究的时候可能就会天然地受社会价值的影响。不同文明在做相同研究的时候也可能会得出不同的结果。这可能只是人类的局限性，并不能怪罪谁或者是心理学这个学科。我们能做的只能是了解不同文明对一件事的理解并尽可能避免自己文明的偏见。

P57

You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders of your society. There is every reason for pride.

4. Reframing Your Childhood and Adolescence

P99

Finally, being sensitive to the discomfort, disapproval, or anger of others probably made you quick to follow every rule as perfectly as possible, afraid to make a mistake.

这说的就是我。比如 UCSD CanyonView 游泳池要求 no lane sharing，我就会非常严格地遵守。之前因为来游的人太多有人 share 泳道，我看到还有点震惊。还有 zc 考冲浪的游泳考试的时候我需要教他踩水，当时对于在同一个泳道里教他我都有点不自在，感觉自己打破了什么规定。

Being so good all the time, however, meant ignoring many of your normal human feelings -- irritation, frustration, selfishness, rage. Since you were so eager to please, others could ignore your needs when, in fact, yours were often greater than theirs. This would only fuel your anger. But such feelings may have been so frightening that you buried them. The fear of their breaking out would become yet another source of "unreasonable" fears and nightmares.

对于自己的合理需求，还是需要主动争取。

P100 The Problem of Sensitive Little Boys

It is fascinating how extensively gender is confused with sensitivity. Men should not be sensitive, women should be.

这也是社会对人们的性别规训的一部分。

P104 It's Never Too Late to Overcome Discouragement

While it is wise to accept what we cannot change about ourselves, it is also good to remember that we are never too old to replace discouragement with bits and pieces of confidence and hope.

虽然不是必须要改变每一个「缺点」，但是对于自己认为是好的变化还是要努力去改变。

P106 Reparenting Your "Gifted" Self

7. Do not hide your abilities.

有的时候我可能会害怕说出一个我知道的东西，或者察觉到了事情的不对劲但是不敢说出来。这其实都是隐藏了自己的能力，是应该尝试改变一下了。每个人都有一些特有的能力，所以每个人都应该把能力展现出来，这样大家才能一起进步。

5. Social Relationships

P115

(Experiment: "shy" and "nonshy" women talking to men, with loud noise in the background or not. The shy women with loud noise talked more compared with shy women without loud noise, and they didn't feel shy.)

Remember this experiment the next time you feel overaroused in a social situation. Your heart may be pounding for any number of reasons having nothing to do with the people you are with. There may be too much noise, or you may be worrying about something else you are only half aware of that has nothing to do with the person you are with. So go ahead, ignore the other causes (if you can), and have a good time.

有的时候我们并不是因为社交而感到 overaroused，可能是在场的其它因素。可以把自己引导到别的原因上，让自己更享受社交。

我的感受

关于 minority

根据这本书，HSP 属于一种 minority，人类中有 15% 到 20% 是 HSP。一个人作为 minority 时能感受到和大多数人的不同。如果这个人又不希望和大多数人不同，这可能就会造成心理上的负担。

关于成长

之前如果问我怎么样算是一个人长大了，我可能会说当一个人不想长大的时候，那就可以算是长大了。现在我又有了新的理解。当一个人能意识到原生家庭的一些局限，并希望打破原生家庭带给自己的负面影响的时候，也可以算是长大了。

写于 2022-05-13。