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第12行： − 我对很多事情的处理方法都是这样。为了避免一些只是可能出现的坏结果，我可能直接放弃去做某件事情。如果说这件事情本身并没什么价值，那可能无所谓。但是这只是少数情况。+ 第126行：
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无编辑摘要
[[Category:书籍]]
副标题：How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You
副标题：How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You
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我对很多事情的处理方法都是这样。为了避免一些只是可能出现的坏结果，我可能直接放弃去做某件事情。如果说这件事情本身并没什么价值，那可能无所谓。但是这只是少数情况。如果对所有的新事情都用回避来「解决」，当真正需要面对的时候就更难了。
'''P81 The Problem of Being In Too Much'''
'''P81 The Problem of Being In Too Much'''
主要的矛盾还是外向者更多（至少在西方），他们的行为便成了标准。
主要的矛盾还是外向者更多（至少在西方），他们的行为便成了标准。
'''P130'''
{{Quote|
You like to be introverted. Sure, go to parties, but they should be small ones where you know people. Otherwise, pick out someone who appears as sensitive and deeply interesting as yourself and take off together as soon as possible. That's the HSP way to party. You are not shy or unlovable. You will definitely meet interesting people and have close relationships -- you just have to '''pick and choose your situations'''.
}}
并不要回避所有的社交活动，我们可以选择适合自己的去参加。也可以主动创造条件（比如看到有「同类」可以主动和他们说话）。
== Basic Social Advice for HSPs ==
== Basic Social Advice for HSPs ==
首先他人并不一定在观察你，就算不能改变他人在观察你的事实，我们也可以尝试改变自己的想法，不要让他人影响自己的表现。
首先他人并不一定在观察你，就算不能改变他人在观察你的事实，我们也可以尝试改变自己的想法，不要让他人影响自己的表现。
== Overcoming Social Discomfort ==
P130
=== Avoid "negative self-talk" ===
Negative self-talk (e.g. "He probably won't like me" or "I'll probably fail as I always do") keeps you aroused and makes it hard to listen to the other person.
尽量不要想一些自己负面的东西。它不一定是真的，也会影响自己的发挥。
=== 接受 rejections ===
People can reject you for all sorts of reasons '''having nothing to do with you'''. If it upsets you, feel that for a moment. Then try to let it go.
=== Have a plan for overcoming your social discomfort ===
Decide to take so many specific, gradual steps per day or week '''no matter how nervous the first steps make you'''.
做了计划就要尽力去执行。
=== Rehearse ===
It is best to rehearse what you'll say with a new person or in a new situation. The more you rehearse, the less nervous you'll be -- which means you'll be more, not less, relaxed and spontaneous.
如果有时间，可以先预想一下即将发生的对话，可以让自己更放松。
=== Personal questions ===
When trying to get a conversation started or continue, ask questions that are '''a little bit personal''' and that cannot be answered with one or two words. It's okay to pry a little. Most people '''love to talk about themselves''' and will '''like your interest and slight boldness'''.
不要害怕问题太私人了。大部分我问得出的问题都应该是人们能够接受的，甚至是希望你去问的。
=== Self-disclosure ===
Self-disclosure is important if your goal is to '''feel some connection and not just pass the time'''. Be sure to '''ask for the other's opinion, too, of course.
交流的形式之一：我分享一个点，并问你的观点。或者可以先问，等别人回答之后再分享自己的观点。
=== Sharing flaws ===
To deepen a conversation or make it more interesting to both of you, sometimes it works to share your own flaws or problems -- but with some cautions.
But there is also something nice in admitting to your human nature if you can convey that you still feel good about yourself. (My favorite line from Captain Picard of ''Star Trek: The Next Generation'' is, "I have made some ''fine'' mistakes in my life." It is so humble, wise, and self-confident, all at once.) Certainly if the other person has revealed something painful or embarrassing, it will deepen the conversation considerably if you do the same.
展现自己的缺点是可以加深一段对话的，只要注意不要刚认识就不停说自己的缺点。在说出缺点之后也可以说说自己对这个缺点的看法，自己是否已经接受，等等。
== 其它摘抄 ==
== 其它摘抄 ==
Another reason for not being able to put into practice what you know about social skills is that old patterns from childhood may be taking over and need to be faced. Or some feelings command your attention.
Another reason for not being able to put into practice what you know about social skills is that old patterns from childhood may be taking over and need to be faced. Or some feelings command your attention.
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=== 7. Close Relationships ===
'''P154 When It is Too Intense'''
{{Quote|
The best '''protection against falling in love too intensely''' is '''being more in the world''', not less.
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Being in the world 可以修正自己脑子里的想象中的世界。很多时候我们会想太多，但是很多是不符合事实的。在真实世界中，我们可以对自己的想象进行过滤，筛除掉不符合实际的想法。
'''P159 Finding the Right Other'''
{{Quote|
One excellent tactic for '''finding other HSPs''' is to ask your extroverted friends to introduce you to others they now who are like you.
}}
'''P161 When the Other Is Not As Highly Sensitive'''
{{Quote|
Everyone has to decide for themselves the areas in which it is '''good enough to be dumb but paired with an expert''', and those in which it is not okay at all to be a dummy.
When it comes to your trait, whoever is even a little less sensitive becomes the expert in doing anything that might overarouse the more sensitive one. Or if you are both sensitive, you may specialize in different areas. There are advantages for both parties. There is more calm, and one person feels helpful, the other, helped. Indeed, the less sensitive person may come to feel indispensable and find this all too reassuring.
Meanwhile, the more sensitive one does all the attending to the subtle for both. Some of this may seem less crucial -- to have creative new ideas, know why you are living, '''deepen communications''', appreciate beauty. But if there is a strong bond between the two, it is probably because the less sensitive person truly needs and values what, you, the more sensitive one contributes.
}}
两个人一起生活时，互补的地方可以互相帮助。慢慢地一个人会做的更好，另一个人会更依赖他。
'''P162 Difference in Optimal Arousal Level'''
How do you respond to a well-intentioned request that you "just try it" and not "spoil the fun"?
{{Quote|
In these situations your friend or partner is in a real blind. He or she wants you to come, and since sometimes in the past it has worked out, pushing you is tempting. And besides missing having you along if he or she goes without you, the other may feel guilty about leaving you alone.
I think '''the HSP has to take charge in these situations''' in order not to have anyone else to blame later. After all, you are the one who knows best how you are feeling and what you can enjoy. If you are hesitating to do something out of fear of overstimulation -- not out of your state of fatigue -- you have to '''weigh that against the fun you might have (And add a little weight in favor of going if you have an extra fear of the unfamiliar left over from childhood.)''' If your action turns out to have been a mistake, you are the one who made it. At least you tried. If you know you are overstimulated and '''need to stay home, do it gracefully and minimize the regrets you express'''. Urge others to have fun without you.
}}
如果一个活动可能给自己带来快乐，就可以去尝试一下。就算最后发现并没有什么快乐，我们也可以提前离开。需要注意的是不要让其他人对我产生愧疚感，可能需要解释一下自己的性格，并告诉他们不是他们的原因。
== 我的感受 ==
== 我的感受 ==
=== 关于 minority ===
=== 关于 minority ===
根据这本书，HSP 属于一种 minority，人类中有 15% 到 20% 是 HSP。一个人作为 minority 时能感受到和大多数人的不同。如果这个人又不希望和大多数人不同，这可能就会造成心理上的负担。
根据这本书，HSP 属于一种 minority，人类中有 15% 到 20% 是 HSP。一个人作为 minority 时能感受到和大多数人的不同。如果这个人又不希望和大多数人不同，这可能就会造成心理上的负担。并且由于大多数人并不是属于 minority，他们可能不能理解我们的思维或者行为。
=== 关于成长 ===
=== 关于成长 ===
写于 2022-05-13。
写于 2022-05-13。
[[Category:书籍]]
=== DEH LA trip ===
7 月 3 号和 znz 去 LA 看了音乐剧 Dear Evan Hansen，当天晚上我们也聊了很多关于性格的话题。在那次聊天之后，我对很多事情都有了新的看法。
对我影响最深的可能就是「在别人身上做实验」这个看问题的角度。她提到有一个对她性格影响很大的人，影响的方式是她在这个人身上做了一些「实验」，以了解人与人的边界在哪里。她还说之前她也会在意别人的想法，但是现在会尝试不去在意。当我现在想做一件事但无法下定决心的时候，我就有一个绝佳的理由：这是一个实验，我可以通过观察对方的反应学到更多和人交流的模式。在这一个星期的尝试中，我的实验结果都是正面的，我的行为并没有「冒犯」别人或者让别人不高兴。在这个阶段，我的主要目标还是建立信心，让我知道其实很多事情我是可以去做的。当然，随着实验的进一步进行，可能真的会出现我的行为越过了对方界限的情况。这时候我就真的能够学到一些东西。
其实我自己也一直是一个人类行为的观察者，但是我从来没有成为「实验」的主导者。如果不主导「实验」，我就只能很被动，只能等待机会的到来，而没有办法自己创造机会。虽然确实可以等到好的机会，但是这样的效率是很低的。我以后可以尝试多去主导「实验」。
另一个事情是关于「敏感」、「社恐」等等标签的。我其实有点惊讶 znz 不觉得我是「社恐」。尽管我之前（[[#Preface]]）也尝试打破标签对我的束缚，但是那些话可能只是一些理论上的「恒真式」。这次可以说我更进一步地打破了标签的束缚。其实有时候这些标签都是自己给自己贴上的，别人可能不会给你这样一个标签。我们这么做可能是想给自己一个理由不去触碰那些可能伤害到自己的事物，从而保护自己。如果说保护自己带来的好处抵不上束缚自己带来的坏处，我还是觉得应该打破这个束缚。因为别人并不认为你拥有这个标签，所以打破束缚其实只需要克服自己一个人。
我们还谈到了参加活动时做选择的话题。多人活动的时候总会出现需要做选择的情景。比如吃什么，去哪里，玩什么游戏等等。znz 说她需要向冬庭学习，她能很清晰地表达自己的想法。并且如果否定了别人的一个想法，她会给出自己的一个 alternative。我认为这也是我应该学习的东西。在我的实践中，「拒绝」别人的一个提议并不会怎么样，因为别人可能也不确定应该做什么。只要能给出自己的建议就可以。
我现在觉得和人交流可能比看书更重要。当然找到能和我谈心的人并找到机会进行交流都不是一件容易的事。但是看书更多的是单一方向的交流，而和人说话则是思想的碰撞，它的互动性更强。就算看书的时候可以写下自己的想法，你也无法得知作者对你的想法的看法。
写于 2022-07-10。